Saturday, September 13, 2008

Revelations III


I associate things more through sounds and smell. It was something I had from a very young age. I was always close to my Uncle. Whenever he would enter the house, no matter which part of the house I was in, even if I hadn’t seen him enter, I would be able to tell that he was here, just by the smell with which I associate even to this day. This has proved true more than once till a very old age.

However, more than my smell I am stronger by my ear. If I hear a tune, even if I did not know the language, I will be able to identify the song even after a long time. I use pick up tunes like an ‘automatic machine’ as my friends use say. I never write down the notes of the songs I played, even if it is a competition.

In that way, I remembered a lot of things by the picture of that particular moment that had got stuck in my memory. I still vaguely remember the picture of that day in the hospital when I was admitted because of high fever, 22 years back. I remember the long room with many beds around and the nurse pulling up the protective rails on the sides of my bed.
I still remember the face of my mother crying when I said goodbye for the day, when she was in the hospital because of an accident.
I remember the embarrassing moment when I cracked the most idiotic jokes and was laughed at - their laughter still rings in my ears
I remember the afternoon when I reacted to an emergency - the concern written all over my aunt's face when I opened the door to her.
I remember the mornings when I recited the mathematical tables to my mum as I waited for the school bus to come.
I remember the night we spent with my Grand ma's body, waiting for my Uncle to come to perform the last rites - the smell of the incense still lingering in my memory.
I remember the moment when I sprained my ankle - the fall and what led to it - all like a movie in slow motion.
I remember the day I got busted for coming late from school as I was caught up in the practice for an important match - mum's voice still rings in my ears.
I remember the day I first dove into the water for my first competition. I remember feeling the sweat trickling down my forehead even in water, as I graduated to advanced swimming - all like a camera that is running in front of my eyes.
I remember the bus ride to St. Stephens from Palam - the Hum Tum song is still etched in my memory and that's what I associate that song with.

But I realize that I hardly remember anything with me in it. I have always loathed my photographs being taken. Videography was not a matter of everyday parlance. So as I hold the memory of the world around me, nowhere in them m I able to place myself.
Is that the reason I never see myself in a dream or more importantly, I hardly remember any of my dreams or may be I don't dream at all!

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